I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
