yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
