apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
