If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
