why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I want a musical about memes.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
