Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
