You smell like a Billy Joel song
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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