i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
