Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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