She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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