TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
