Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
