My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
