Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
