the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
