Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
