We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
