More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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