my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
