Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dear god my vagina.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
