Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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