so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
