hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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