We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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