hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
