He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
