just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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