Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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