I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
