i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
A bitchslap is in order.
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