you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
