I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
