So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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