So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
