I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
