Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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