We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Alive.
So much puke
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
