This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
