What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Randomize
