He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
