I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
