it hurts more in the daytime
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
