I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
