guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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