go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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