2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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