i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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