The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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