Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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