i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
