you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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